If you've been following along with me for any amount of time, you know that we've determined that dating in today's world is exhausting! You add children and busy schedules to the mix and it's even more exhausting. I'm ready for a nap just thinking about it. In this world of online dating, there's really never many surprises. You typically know whether you're going to be going out with someone that has kids or not.
So, dating is one thing, but dating a single mom requires a completely unique set of skills that I'm finding not a lot of men have. Even the men that have kids and should be aware of these things as well. You have to know the compromise, so here are ten things you should know if you want to date a single mom and not ruin it from the get go:
Her free time is precious, and you're probably not getting all of it. Should you find yourself interested in a single mom, chances are high that her free time is limited. I know, you're busy too. Everyone is busy. But single parents are busy on a whole different level. When she's done managing a career, running a household, parenting, and doing all the other things to make sure the family runs organized, that doesn't leave her much free time. The free time she does have will likely include, catching up on laundry, bills, and maybe even sleeping in or binge-watching tv. You might not be included in the free time. Before you freak out and think this isn't fair, you will be on her priority list, you just won't BE the list. Make sense? Good! Plus, you don't want to end up one of those couples that's like glued together at the hip and does absolutely everything together do you? That's not healthy for anyone.
Her kids are the priority. Period. Sure fire way to end your relationship with a single mom? Try to outrank her kids. She made them, they're pretty important. They are not an inconvenience nor are they your competition. Understand that they come first and embrace it! If it were the other way around, would you want some new person trying to take precedence over YOUR kids? I didn't think so.
Her ex is likely to be around. While every situation is different, but chances are, that if you're seeing a woman with kids, those kiddos, likely have another parent somewhere that's still in the picture. Even in the most amicable of situations, our human nature kicks in and can cause us to be jealous. It's okay though, you got this, I believe in you. Your lady had a life before you. She created this family and at some point needed to let it go. Be thankful and admire her. It brought her to you. Just try to be the bigger person if she has a super jerk of an ex.
Her ex is her problem, not yours. Sometimes, this can be hard. We don't like to see those we care about getting hurt, so if there's an ex that's really making you want to go Mike Tyson on their ass: Don't. It's best if you don't get personally involved. Just be there for her when she needs to vent, make her laugh, take her kickboxing, running, or somewhere she can let off some steam.
She doesn't need you to rescue her. She is not a damsel in distress. She doesn't need a knight in shining armor. This is not a fairytale. Yeah, she might have been broken for a bit, but she's managed to kick ass and take names this long by herself, so let her keep at it. When she is facing a challenge, offer her love and encouragement. Be her cheerleader. Do NOT swoop in and try to fix everything for her. Wait until she asks for help and then give it.
Meeting her kids is a HUGE deal. Or, maybe it isn't. This is another one that can vary. Some mama's like to include their kids right away to see how everyone interacts or how you treat her kids before anyone gets too invested. Sometimes, the cost of a sitter is too high or leaving the kids behind isn't something moms want to do. In those cases, to see her more, you'll be getting to know her kids as well. Other moms prefer to leave their kids out of their romantic lives completely until they know that what they have isn't just a short lived thing. The only way to know which situation you're in is to ask. At the same time, make sure you give your feelings on it all too. Communication is important.
She might be a little flaky. Not because she wants to be and not because she's trying to hurt you or be distant. She's juggling a lot of things and sometimes, things come up last minute with all the schedules. School things, kids get sick, sports get rescheduled. Cut her some slack and be patient with her.
It's complicated. Choosing to get involved with a single mom is not simple whatsoever. She won't be able to drop everything and jump on a plane to some exotic locale with you and her schedule is probably much more complex than that of anyone solo. She's full of commitments and little humans that need her. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Take the good; she's responsible. She's nurturing. Her schedule may require her to plan ahead, but that's okay.
It's not her fault. Society has made single moms feel pretty low. We're required to work like we don't have kids, but raise our kids like we don't work. Be proud of her, celebrate her for doing everything she's done so far on her own. Don't see her as broken, see her as a warrior!
You are lucky to be here. It's true, you are. This complicated, sometimes-messy, often-unpredictable life of the badass mom you're into? It's also amazing, gorgeous, fulfilling and magical. She doesn't NEED you here, if you're in her life, she WANTS you here. She chose you to go on this ride with. Cherish it, revel in it.
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