Here I am, Sunday night, 9:36pm, laying in bed with a sleeping seven year old on my chest while I'm crying thankful that he's here but wondering yet again what in the actual f$#@ I do that pushes men away!
Since my divorce, the longest relationship I can seem to have is two and a half months and that's only happened twice. The second of which may have literally just ended.
I guess I partially should've known it was coming. I mean, our schedules were completely opposite each other so we had limited availability to talk and see each other but we made it work. But when limited talk turned to me basically texting myself, I kind of knew there was an issue. However, I wanted to just chalk it up to him being crazy busy as per usual. Until... "I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we should talk...."
The dreaded words I've heard a dozen too many times, followed by the usual, "I just don't think I have time in my life right now for a relationship." It's funny though. When I started dating this guy, we talked about who we've dated in the past, why they didn't work out, etc and he could not wrap his head around the fact that I hadn't had a relationship longer than 2 months since my marriage and he couldn't fathom how and why more than 2 men have left me places to find my own way home. Maybe now he has his answer?
I know people will tell me things like, "he wasn't your person," or "that's not who God chose for you," or "you still have time to find the one to make you happy." That's great, really, thanks. No offense, but I'm over hearing that too. I'm tired of playing the get to know you game. It's exhausting!! Having to tell people my whole story over and over and over and over{you get it} every time I go out with someone new. Maybe I'll start recording it and just let them watch a video before we go out. That way, they have the run down beforehand.
I'm not a pessimist by any means, just a realist because I've seen it all before and know that nothing good lasts forever. Here's my new plan; care less but keep putting myself out there. Take things as they come. If that doesn't work, my friend Sarah said she'd marry me. She's over men too. Haha!!
So to sum up -
rough start to my week
the dating pool is a disaster
men need to learn to be more clear on their wants
not a pessimist, but a realist
have a marriage offer from my mom friend
I hope the rest of you have a better week and I feel for all of you going through this dating thing right now too.
Comments