This post came up on my Facebook memories from 3 years ago. It hit me hard when I read it because so much of that sadness cane back to me.
Here’s the post:
"I’ve been a little MIA for the last week. I’ve been debating whether or not I wanted to talk about where I was but then I thought about something I was told over the last week; “your social media life is a lie!”
Y’all, that came from my husband. I never meant for him or anyone else to think I was coming off as someone I’m not. I also never meant to make so many mistakes over the last 3 years that my marriage would turn upside down mostly because I’m not willing to do hard things when it comes to relationships. It’s always been easier for me to just run, hide, bury myself in anything but the actual issue.
Surprise!! That doesn’t work.
So here’s a truth; my husband and I ARE NOT perfect! I never meant for anyone to think we were. Last week he called me on my bullshit.... again. It wasn’t pretty - in fact it was downright terrifying. Like, how did we get here?!?! (Again) And how did we not see it coming?!?! I wanted to run. I think part of him wanted me to as well. Our house was supposed to go on the market 4 days later.... 🚫
We’ve been together for 11 years, married 8.5 and have 2 of the most incredible boys God could’ve blessed us with. We were both put in the position over the last week to really look at ourselves and ask- is all of that really something we really want to throw away or are we willing to give this thing our all and stick around to call each other on our bullshit until we’re 80??"
Anyone know what the problem is with this post? I only blamed myself because I wanted to be real, authentic, yet I knew what would happen if I showed HIS real. See, that's why I was so confused all the time. When I told truths I was told the world doesn't need to know those things but when I put on a show for the world, I was told I was "lying, why don't you tell people the truth?"
It's not easy living a life like that. Watching what you say and who you say it to. Even now, almost two years later, I still get anxiety about certain things that I have to discuss with my ex husband. I know that will eventually stop, it's just one more hurdle to get through.
I think the quote above sums it up perfectly. If you find yourself altering your behavior - what you're doing or saying - because you're scared of what your partner or friend or family member might do or say, that's a problem. Please find someone to talk to about it and know I'm always here to listen. 🩷
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