You Grow Through What You Go Through

This story and the ones that will follow aren't so much about regret as they are about growth. Learning what we went through in the past, why we continue to have a magnet for it and what we can do to gravitate away from it in the future.

Over the last year and a half, there's been a handful of people, okay, let's be honest with ourselves here, a handful of men that didn't want me, but then they did want me. They went back and forth like this for awhile and I let them - only for the simple fact that I've had a man in my life in some capacity since I was 18 years old. This is the longest I've gone without one and sometimes it hasn't been easy on me.

As much as I hate to admit it, those men doing all the back and forth with me were 1) messing with my already traumatized brain and I didn't really know how to differentiate between them being genuine and them being, well, assholes. And 2) they weren't letting me learn to depend on only myself and let me figure out who I really was again.

As much as I thought I wanted whatever these men were trying to give me, when I look back, it turned out, I never wanted any of that bull they pretended to show me. It may have taken me longer than I wanted to pick myself mostly back up - hell, I'm still not totally there, I still have some days where I'm in a dark hole and I hope no one finds me- but that's okay. The important thing is, is that I DID pick myself up and that I continue to heal everyday.

I decided it might be time to start talking about the stuff no one wants to talk about...... The Trauma. And the after effects that come with the trauma. This was just a little bit of a starting point. After having a couple of very sad, rough days, I thought I needed to share this and continue to share the rest of the real as well. I hope you'll follow along.